185 days

 

• 15,984,000 seconds 
• 266,400 minutes 
• 4440 hours 
• 185 days 
• 26 weeks and 3 days
• 50.68% of 2017

 

This is how long the best time of my life was.

 

It took me 2 months to be able to finally write about this and still, I can't believe anything that happened the last 8 Months.

 

I don't know where to start, I don't know where to end. My thoughts and memories, the experiences and difficulties, this is what no one will ever take away from me.

 

I still remember the day everything started. It was the 2nd of January, a snowy Monday. I remember how much I cried leaving my parents, how afraid I was. I remember getting on the plane, shaking, not being able to move. But then something weird happened. When we flew over the clouds I felt this feeling, this strange sort of relieve. I suddenly knew that what was ahead of me would be amazing.

 

And I was right. I was able to make friends on the bus to Bournemouth right away , and they were really important to me at the beginning, because they already knew how life was as an exchange student.

 

I remember how my hostdad picked me up in front of PizzaHut, how I was so lost when we drove through the streets, how we parked in front of the house, walked into the living room and the first thing that happened was that Phoebe and Taylor came up to me and hugged me.

 

It was at this moment that I knew that this family would be perfect for me! 

I remember how sweet everyone was, how they didn't treat me like a guest but included me in their family from the first day on!

 

The next day was my first day of school. The school I would stay in for a month before I would make the amazing decision to move to 6th form. The people in the school were great, but the school itself just wasn't what I had hoped for at all and I just wasn't happy.

 

The days passed and I slowly started settling in.

 

I remember how I shed some happy-tears when I went to the beach for the first time, how I finally got to meet my host sister Emma for the first time, how incredibly relieved I was because she was even more amazing then I expected her to be!

 

I remember how much I cried on my birthday because I couldn't spend it with the people I love most.

 

I remember my first days in 6th form, how I ended up crying in our Admin's office because I was so lost and lonely, how she introduced me to Filipa and, without even knowing, started a chain-reaction which would lead to me having the best time of my life.

 

I remember how I first got in touch with my media-group, how I realised that this boy in my ethics was german or how I (re)-met two girls from the bus who ended up being some of my best friends, how I went to Tesco for the first time, or finally discovered that I don't have to stay in school for all 5 periods.

 

I remember how it slowly started becoming life.

 

I remember how I got to meet Emma's friends, how we went to parties, to the beach, to the gardens, or just to Asda. How I realised that this was so much more then just living abroad, it was life changing.

 

I remember hating myself for not having enough courage to tell people the things I would have loved to tell them. ("I have a crush on you", "I feel uncomfortable being around those people", "Don't go", "I actually don't really like it here") Instead I proceeded to not say things, just like I have done it all my life. Some things just never change.

 

I remember crying for hours watching the goodbye video of my friends or greys anatomy.

 

I remember all those days when I was so jealous of my friends being able to be together or go to the concert of one of my favourite singers and I wasn't there, when I saw pictures of my horse or dog and just died a little inside.

 

I remember sitting in my room realising what I did. That I left everything and everyone at home. I felt like a horrible friend. 

 

But I also remember the joy I felt facetimeing my best friend or skyping with my parents, how this suddenly brought me down to earth again. 

 

I remember the weekly updates I sent to my friends telling them about all the things that happened, the good or mostly the bad things. I told them about the relaxed school system whilst they had to study, I told them about the beach or the stupid things we did at the gardens. I told them about all the amazing people I met. I told them how scared I was and how much I missed them.

 

I remember how often I ended up nearly crying because I couldn't stop laughing at one of Emmas jokes. Or how it was never boring when we sat in the common room playing cards (and running around tables and falling over). How there were so many moments when I was just entirely happy, when I felt like everything I wanted was right here.

 

I remember sitting on the pier singing hsm songs. Or walking through the streets looking for food. I remember reading snow white and the 7 dwarfs to Phoebe  for the 1000th time and how she couldn't stop pressing the button that made a laughing noise. 

 

I remember the bbq's we had in the garden, or having a garden in general. How I started playing guitar again or walked through the house singing "defying gravity" and feeling like a musical star.

 

I remember filming the sustrans video, how many takes we ruined because we couldn't stop laughing at my weird face or my nails scraping on the chair. How we found out about the magic hat or how embarrassed I was because of my horrible acting even though I should be able to act after so many years. 

 

I remember the music lessons with the incredible Miss Dymond and how she taught us about Psycho or Llamas. I remember totally screwing up my singing performance because I was sick, but she still tried to make the best out of it.

 

I remember laughing at the mispronunciation of the names of german Philosophers. Or how I screwed up every single ethics essay even though I spent more than 5 hours writing them. 

 

I remember all the life lessons  those 6 months taught me. How to believe in myself and how to be independent, but also how incredibly important your friends and family are. How it is okay to need help and to not be happy. But also how great it is to be happy. Yes, England taught me how to be happy. A new sort of happiness I've never felt before. And it taught me to appreciate (I wrote a whole post about this).

 

I remember having to say goodbye to Emma. How happy I was that no one was at home that day, because after I waved her goodbye and went back inside I cried like I had never cried before. This was probably the hardest goodbye. She was like a sister to me, she was my sister.

 

I remember the last week. How I had a breakdown after hearing "shoutout to my ex"  at our little goodbye party, because this was the song that started everything for me. How many hours I spent crying, and crying.

I had the exact same feeling I feel right now. This tightness in my stomach, the feeling of not believing, not wanting to believe, that it's over. 

 

So now I am sitting here. Writing my "final" blogpost. I have so many stories to tell, so many things that I can't think of right now. 

It took me over a week to write this, because every time I try to think of England my heart hurts. I am still not able to talk about it. Sure, I told all the important stories, but no one knows the real effect England had on me, yet. 

It is hard, seeing, that you were just "another exchange student", that they are able to live without you, that there is someone else who is at your position now. But we all knew that this was eventually gonna happen.

 

I already said thanks to all my "Austrians" so I think it's time for my "Englands".

 

Emma- Thanks for everything. Sister, you taught me so much I don't think you know what impact you had on me. I love you with every part of me and I am so happy that you were by my side for 6 months. I don't know how I would have survived without your tipps, tricks or late night snacks. Thank you!

 

My wonderful host family- I don't have words anymore for all the feelings I have. I am so thankful that you chose to host me in your family and let me be part of your life! You will forever have a place in my heart. Thanks for letting me have a 2nd home. I love you!

 

Camilla- Thanks for being my tutor babe and always having my back. I will never forget the hours we shared and the games we played! You are amazing!

 

Cassidy- Thanks for being my homie and teaching me how americas schools are screwed up! You'll forever be my fav American Tinder idiot!

 

Filipa- Thank your for being by my side since day 1 (actually day 2) and introducing me to those amazing girls. I wish you nothing but the best and can't wait to see you again!

 

Ieva- Thanks for being you, this amazing, caring and crazy 18 year old girl that taught me that spontaneous sleepovers are the best! I miss u!

 

Kathi- Thanks for being my Piercingbuddy and showing me that good girls are really bad. You are absolutely amazing!

 

Miri- Thanks for always having time to talk, for all those incredible answers to my desperate messages at 2 am or for always building me up whenever I was down! I am so happy that I met you!

 

Paula- Thank you for marrying me even though I thought no-one ever would! Thanks for being the beauty to my beast and always having a spare kiss when I needed one!

 

My amazing media group- Josh, Matt, Nicola. Thanks for accepting my horrible sense of humour and even laughing with me. You improved my school life so massively I don't think you know how much! I Can't wait to see you all again x

 

My fantastic music people- Tim, Chris, Emily. You are amazing musicians, it was an honour to be part of your group! Please continue making music, you are great!

 

Robert, Anton- Thanks for being my german support system and making fun of me and with me! I hope we will see each other really soon!

 

Richard, Simon, Niklas- Thanks for showing me Bournemouth and teaching me how to be a exchange student! (@richard thanks for staying till the end)

 

Marienne, Sara, Dieyna, Falk, Vicky, Shannon, Nathalia, Rebecca, Anastasia, Dylan, Loretta, Logan, Juli, Martine, Frederico, Leonardo, Matty, James, George, Toby, Aidan, Tom, Dylan, Alec, Max,... even though I didn't get the chance to really get to know most of you, you were all part of my journey, thank you for that! 

 

 

I've come so far. I've taken the long road. I has never been easy but it was always worth it! I don't regret a single second and decision because they all made 2017 the best year of my life!

 

THANK YOU ALL

 

 

 

 

P.s.: Did you like this blogpost? Should I continue writing? Do you have any comments? It would be amazing if you could comment that down below