This is going to be the translation of my second to last blogpost from the 22.03, one that I am a little bit proud of haha! Since some friends asked me to translate it I thought I'll use my free-lessons to do that!
Quick question before I start: do you prefer it if I write in English or German (to all the German speaking people reading this)?
I know, I haven't written something in ages, but I'm honest: I either forgot it or just didn't want to. Why? Basically, I am having the time of my life right now! I enjoy every moment, every minute (besides when I'm missing my people). Like my mum used to say when I was younger, staying over at a friend's house or when I was on riding-holidays alone "If I don't hear from you in quite some time, at least I know that you enjoy it and are having fun!" Well, not hearing from me for tooo long isn't good as well .
I am perfectly fine! I started to appreciate everything (*insert German not really funny word joke here*). I go to the beach, with the music fully turned up, I dance barefoot through the sand I even go into the ice cold water without thinking or worrying about the consequences. It is stupid, I know. But in the end, those are the things you will remember later on.
You are only once young. And I have the possibility to take that to a whole new level and it took me 2 months to start "living".
I know now how great it is to be independent, without parents, responsible for myself, with my own money. I am part of a family here, don't get me wrong, but that is something different. I make my own lunch, buy things my mum would normally buy, I am independent.
But that also has it's dark sides. I had a very deep conversation with one of my friends a few days ago about it. We have known each other for a long time now and looking at old photos and videos we realised that we are not little anymore.
You start going out, have your first (or 5th) boyfriend, and make mistakes. The times of riding-holidays and children-disco are over and no one can bring them back. We realised that we aren't ready for that. We don't want to think about who made out with whom at which party or how bitchy old friends became.
But we also realised that it is the way it is and we need to live with it, whether we want it or not.
And I start now! I am having the time of my life! I enjoy every single minute! I do things "Lenilein" would have probably never done. But do you know what? I feels freaking good! I am happier than ever!
I realised that there will always be the small part of me that still plays Howrse on the laptop of her parents, that secretly dreamt of a career as a detective and cried when she got a B in school. And it is good like that!
Wow, this entry is surprisingly adult-like, but I feel younger than ever! I won't come back as the same person that left Austria, to have the adventure of her life. I am changing right now! And I am unbelievably happy about that!
How my friends will react isn't clear yet. But I'm not really worried about that, because the totally weird and crazy Lena won't go away that fast! And I know that they like me the way I am and I have no doubt that they won't like me anymore.
I am different and still the same!
I am who I am and I slowly become the person I always wanted to be.
I mean, (everyone under 14: close your eyes/ears) holy shit, I am in fucking England! I did it. Me, the one that never did anything because she was too afraid.
To surprise my parents with this idea was the best thing that I could have done!
Mommy, Daddy: Thanks for realising that this is what I really want and not one of my insane ideas, that never work! Thanks that you always believe in me and that you always, ALWAYS support me! I love you so much and can't wait to hold you in my arms again!
Thanks as well to my family and friends, who are always there for me, listen to insanely long voice messages about English boys and my "problems" and help me all the time, no matter what time! Thanks, that you always ask how I am and don't forget me! You let me know how it feels to be loved, missed and needed every day. It took its time, but now I'm only surrounded by people that are really good for me!
You all make me the person I am and become! Even if you don't know me, you random blogreader. Thanks to you as well, I hope you are as lucky as I am.
Wow, I originally wanted to write an update, that didn't work out as expected. In the meantime you will need to deal with this crap!
Have an amazing day! And appreciate the little things in life!!